I Get The Funny Feeling...

Have you ever woken up and immediately knew it was going to be "one of those days"? That happened to me this morning. Each little incident, in and of itself, isn't really a big deal. Put it all together, however, and you have a recipe for a long day.

First of all, I'm very picky about how I wake up. To say that I'm not a morning person is the understatement of the year. I hate the sound of an alarm clock, so to ease my transition from dreamland to reality, I set the alarm on my phone and wake up to a song. This morning, my phone decided it wasn't going to work properly, and at 6:35 started making a sound similar to that of the Liberty Bell having a seizure. Not my favorite way to start the day.

On top of that, Caleb woke up in quite the mood this morning, and wasn't cooperating at all. By the time he was done eating breakfast, I had five minutes to get him out the door. I really don't like being rushed, but I think I handled it pretty well. That is, until we went outside to wait for the bus. While standing there, a stone from the driveway got stuck on the bottom of my shoe. So I scraped my shoe on the ground, then kicked the stone away. Caleb looks at me, without missing a beat, and says, "Mommy, you said not to kick the stones." Busted. Also, another kid who waits for the bus with us (who is slightly out of control) finds what appears to be a dead spider in the road and thinks that every other child should see it. When he calls the other kids over, Caleb walks right out into the middle of the road. Now I'm yelling. I don't like yelling, especially not this early in the morning. All I can think as he gets on the bus is, "This kid's getting in trouble at school today. God help his teacher."

This is just what happened in an hour and 20 minutes, not to mention what I still have to do today. I have about three loads of laundry that need to be folded and put away, plus another load I still have to do. My puppy's incision from when she got spayed looks infected, so I have to take her to the vet. Add on top of this the countless other things that need to be done on a daily basis around the house. All I can say is thank God it's Friday, and I hope things go a little smoother the rest of the day.

Please, Son, Just Five More Minutes

It's the worst time of day,
The alarm just went off.
I slide out of bed,
And gather my stuff.

The house is so dark,
I can't see the toy,
That I kicked down the hall.
I think it's destroyed.

The coffee is on,
The toast is in,
Oh crap, I think
It tripped the breaker again.

I got his lunch,
I think it's all packed.
A sandwhich, a fruit,
and maybe a snack.

I don't care if you wanted
Cheese you brat.
You'll eat what I gave you,
And that is that.

The bus will be here.
It's time to go wait.
Let's get out the door,
And hope we're not late.

Finally, the bus is here.
Hooray!
I love you, good bye,
Now go away.

Now what to do?
How am I bored?
I've cleaned, I've dusted,
and mopped the floor.

I'll just have to wait,
For school to get done.
Cause as loud as you are,
You make this house fun.

My Perpetual Motion "Machine"

My alarm rings. It's 6:35 and it's still dark outside. The house is quiet, and I have a hard time waking up. I think that I might be able to get a cup of coffee before I have to wake Caleb up to get ready for school. I come out of the bedroom and realize the TV is on and the boys are up and watching "Little Einsteins". It's still dark out for Heaven's sake!

After having my coffee and getting myself ready while still feeling like the walking dead, it's Caleb's turn. I grab his uniform, his socks, his shoes, his lunch, and his jacket. While helping him get his uniform on, he's bouncing around, asking me questions, and scolding his brother. When we walk out the door to wait for the bus, he takes off and starts running around the yard. He's kicking stones, playing hide and seek, and just won't stop moving. Heaven help his teacher today, she's going to need it.

After he left for school I started thinking. I have a lot to do today, and it would be really nice to have about an eighth of his energy. I'm pretty sure that could keep me going at a steady clip for the whole day. There's just one small little problem, since no one to date has been able to build a true perpetual motion machine, there's certainly no invention for tapping it's energy!

The Curse of the Were-Baby

Anyone who has a child, particularly a toddler, knows that sometimes their child can be the sweetest, cuddliest, cutest kid, and other times...well not so much.

Usually each child has something that will set them off- a certain time of day, taking a toy away, a sibling who is doing something mean. Mine, on the other hand, turns into were-baby anytime we're in public. Be it the grocery store, veterinarian, or the mall, this child turns into a temper tantrum throwing nightmare. Allow me to set the scene...

Aj and I are at the veterinarians office. We're there to pick up our puppy who just got spayed. Before we even get in the door, he's down on the ground throwing a fit because he doesn't want to hold my hand in the parking lot. I am such a mean mother for ensuring his safety, aren't I? After using my "mom" voice, he concedes to go inside. As soon as we walk in, he starts playing on the scale and touching everything. No big deal. I grab his hand to walk him around to the other side of the counter so I can pay and receive care instructions, and he flips. Immediately he begins to scream, goes dead weight, and flops himself face-down on the floor. The receptionists must have had two-year-olds before, because they immediately told me it's OK if he runs around, ensuring me there's nothing he can destroy. After that, he was as happy as a fox in a chicken coop. They bring out our puppy, and I go to get Aj's hand so we can go home. Once again, flops down on the floor, kicking and screaming because he doesn't want to stop playing. I had to have one of the receptionists walk our dog out to the car so I can carry the kicking and screaming child. Needless to say, by the time we got home I was at my wit's end.

I tell you that story to tell you this: If you're a parent, and your child acts like this in public, don't worry. You're certainly not the only one. If you're not a parent, and you see a child acting like this in public, don't give the mother dirty looks. Trust me, we really don't want our kids to ruin your shopping experience. Have a little sympathy, one day it might be your kid.

What The Books Can't Tell You

Like many parents, when I found out I was pregnant I read all the books I could get my hands on about parenting. I knew what milestones he should hit and when, what I should feed him during each month, what disciplinary style I wanted, that I wanted him on a three-hour feeding schedule and so on. I had basically planned his first two years of life. I had it all figured out...or so I thought.

What the books couldn't tell me is that Caleb would throw up all over everything for the first five weeks of his life due to a problem that required surgery to fix. They couldn't tell me that my child would hit certain milestones early, and other ones late; that barley is great to feed them first, except when your child won't eat it; punishment styles should vary from child to child based on each kid's personality; and a three-hour feeding schedule is great in theory, until your child is hungry an hour after his feeding and it comes down to feed him again or hear him scream for two hours.

 There are many things that books can tell you. They can be wonderful references to have on hand, but they can't tell you how life with your child will be. According to books, my children should be on a schedule, a timeout should suffice for punishment, and Heaven forbid they eat a hot dog. Well things aren't always what they should be, and there is no problem with that. Every parent should decide for themselves what is best for their life and their child, not based on what books say, but what they feel is right.

Lotion Go Down Da Hoooole...

People often yearn for their life to mimic a moment they've seen on TV or in a movie. Unfortunately, when my life mimics TV it's usually Looney Tunes or a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. My most recent adventure came a few days ago when AJ decided he was going to play in the toilet. Now, this isn't the first time he's played in the toilet. We've caught him numerous times with his hands in the cookie jar, and by cookie jar I mean toilet bowl. He splashes the water and makes a mess; I yell, strip him down, bathe him, and clean the bathroom. He thinks it's tons of fun and I think I'm going to lose my mind. This last time, however, he decided to up the ante.

With Mommy otherwise occupied, he snuck in the bathroom, opened my drawer, grabbed everything he could and threw it in the toilet. Hair bands, bracelets, even his beloved Blankey found themselves soaking in toilet water. Needless to say when I walked in to find all this I was pretty upset. I pulled what I thought was everything out of the toilet and tried to get things cleaned up. But for the rest of the day, the toilet didn't seem to be flushing properly. I knew something got flushed, I just didn't know what, until I went to bed that night. That was when I realized I was missing my face cream. Well now I know why the toilet isn't flushing right. Luckily for me, there are plumbers in the family and I was able to have someone come out the next morning and fix it.

So just remember parents, be careful what you keep next to the toilet. Because unlike cartoons, what goes down the hole doesn't always come back.