All In Favor Say, "Help!"

Every mother's day, salary.com gives a figure of what they value a stay-at-home mom is worth, in other words, what she would make each year if she were getting paid. Recently, they estimated our worth at $122,732 and that was based on only 10 daily functions we perform. So they acknowledge that we're worth a lot, and that we contribute a lot to society. Yet, where are the real benefits to being a stay-at-home mom? By not working, we end up losing social security benefits later on in life, as well as disability insurance, sick days, and quite honestly, social status. I can't even get a credit card in my name because technically I'm "unemployed."

For all that we do every day, what happens if we get hurt? Or sick? What happens when we can't perform our daily functions? The only way a stay-at-home mom is allowed to get private disability insurance is if she owns a business that generates income. I don't know too many women who have businesses, so I'm guessing the majority of us are SOL.

I know a lot of people who are outraged at how stay-at-home mothers are practically punished for the decision they made. We have given up so much and we get nothing in return from society. So if you are one of the many who would like your voice to be heard, and even campaign for changes, I have found a nifty little website called momsrising.org. They have discussions, blogs, and a place where you can make your voice heard, and someone might be able to tell you what you can do to help.

It may not feel like you're doing much, but it's certainly a start.

The Candy Store Has Nothing On This

A few days ago, I had the chance to get out of the house, just me and Caleb. It doesn't happen often, so I wanted to do something fun with him. We did the not so fun stuff first and got it out of the way. After everything was finished, I took Caleb into the local pet store. It's a miracle we didn't come home with anything...

As soon as we walked in, there was a display of kittens. No matter how much you dislike cats, you have to admit, kittens are adorable. They're especially adorable when they walk right up to you and try playing with you. Luckily for my husband, I knew I'd be in serious trouble if I brought one home. Off to the next group of animals...the fish. We're talking about a kid who asks to see the goldfish every time we go to Walmart, even though they haven't had any for over a year now. Needless to say he was excited. Big fish, small fish, Nemo fish, Dory fish, we saw all of them; I'm pretty sure the whole store knew exactly what fish we were looking at too. Directly next to the fish tanks are the reptile and amphibian tanks. I was showing him the snakes that I would love to bring home. He told me the cobalt blue tarantula was awesome. I guess he had never seen a scorpion before, because when I asked him what they were, he thought they were crabs. Frogs, iguanas, monitor lizards, anoles...through the displays we went. And then...

At the end of the row, in his own multi-tier cage, there sat Tank. Tank is the biggest iguana I've ever seen in my life. He was huge! He had spikes down his spine from the tip of his nose to the end of his tail. Caleb stood in awe. When I saw on the sign that his name was tank, I promptly said, "Hello, Tank." in my "mom" voice. It was like someone flipped a switch on this lizard. He started shaking his head at me, an iguanas way of showing off. He was licking at Caleb trying to catch his scent, and you could see his eyes light up. I wanted him. Again, luckily for my husband, I knew I couldn't.

Then there were the birds. Not really the peak of my interest, but Caleb is fascinated so we stopped and looked. He was eye level with two cockatiels. I'm not sure what he did, or why they didn't like him, but it became very apparent that they didn't. They both almost in unison started flapping their wings as close to the glass as they could get. I'm pretty sure when Caleb jumped, his feet left the ground, which in turn left me in hysterics. After he got scared half to death, we moved on the the small mammals. They had mice, rabbits, ferrets and a guinea pig. He thought the mice were really cool, and I didn't have the heart to tell him they were feeder mice.

Surprisingly, the puppies were the easiest ones to look at and walk away from. It could have been that there weren't any of the breeds I would want, or it could be that I just got a puppy not too long ago and I'm still disillusioned. Either way, it made it easy to look and say "Aw how cute" then leave. Once back in the car, I don't think Caleb stopped talking the whole way home about the kittens and the fish. He was one happy camper.

So I'm pretty sure from here on out, I'm changing the old saying from "like a kid in a candy store" to "like a kid in a pet store" because I'm pretty sure Caleb would pass up candy to go back to that place.

One Of Those Days

Have you ever had a day that wasn't really stressful, but was still really busy? Yeah, that was my day today. Nothing horrible occurred; I don't have any stories of the kids being crazy in public, or an earth-shattering event. It's just been....busy.

I've been all over God's creation today. I had to have blood drawn, go to the bank, run a few other errands and on top of that it seems like everything I try to do takes about ten times longer than it should. The simple act of unloading the dishwasher seemed to drag on. It could be because I was interrupted about twenty times by the kids, but still.

Sometimes, days like this are worse to me. At least when I'm really stressed I'll take a few minutes to myself and calm down. But these days I tend to just keep going, telling myself it's not that bad and to suck it up. There's nothing wrong with that. Things need to be done, and I need to keep going. But I also need to sit down, relax and take two minutes to enjoy my cup of coffee.

So there it is. No moral of the story. No here's the point of this. This is just how I feel today. So thanks for listening. :)

The Difference Between Father and Dad

What is a father for? Liberals will say they have equal responsibility in raising and taking care of the children. Conservatives will tell you they bring home the bacon and discipline the children. Feminists will tell you they're for nothing. Well aside from what the feminists say, a father can be all these things. He can provide, he can care for the children, he can discipline them. But what is he really for?

A father is someone who teaches you how to ride your bike. The one who shows you how to properly throw a football. The one who scares the crap out of you when you're five years old by letting go of the steering wheel  and telling you to drive. He's the one who almost gets thrown out of your t-ball game because the umpire made a bad call. He's the man who watches "Men in Tights" with you when your mom says you're not allowed. He lectures you because he loves you. He will always be proud of you. He will always be there for you.

So yes, a father can provide and discipline, but a real dad is the one you make memories with. That's the difference.

Screw The Energizer Bunny

As you read this, no matter when you read this, one of three things will be happening at my house. Caleb will be running around yelling, AJ will be running around yelling, or I will be running around yelling. Life with a two-year-old and a four-year-old is...well it's interesting to say the least. There's never a dull moment, no matter how much you wish for one. My only reprieve is bedtime, when the little Energizer bunnies I gave birth to finally shut off.

From about 6:00 AM, and for the whole day, my children and I play the "who is more stubborn game", along with "because I'm your mother" and "how many times do I have to tell you to..." It's broken up with mealtimes, snack times, maybe the occasional nap. However, for the most part, that's what I do. Did I mention the oldest one never stops talking? Even when he has nothing to say, he's making noise of some kind.

So why am I writing all this? Because I know it's not just my kids. Many parents out there deal with the same things day in and day out. To all of those reading this. You're not alone. For those of you wishing you had just a fraction of the energy your kids have, you're not alone. For those of you who are ready to tear out your hair, you're also not alone. Remember, patience is a virtue. And when patience runs out, there's always Valium. :)

Great Friends Think Alike

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to spend time with some great people. It was a birthday barbecue, and a lot of the people there were parents of young children. All the kids were playing together in the pool or in the playhouse, or taking turns on the big wheels truck. For the most part all the kids got along great together. Perhaps a few scuffles here and there, but that's totally normal. What was even nicer than all the kids playing together and having fun was the fact that all the parents were able to talk to each other. And better still, we all had the same ideals.

One of the most important things I can say to you if you are a parent is surround yourself with other parents who have the same values and thoughts towards parenting. An extremely relaxed mother, and a mother who can't let a sniffle go by without calling the doctor, are going to end up annoying each other eventually. However, two mothers who can let their children play a little rough, or two mothers who both feel the same way when their children exhibit signs of sickness, are going to get along, because they agree on main points of parenting styles and have a lot to talk about.

There are many experiences I have as a parent that might be embarrassing to some (like having my child escape from the house without my knowledge) but when I'm around parents who have the same experiences, we can laugh about them and learn  from them. It's nice to have validation for a certain style of parenting and there's a comfort that comes from knowing you're not alone.

John Ratzenberger said, "Find people who share your values, and you'll conquer the world together." Maybe we don't want to conquer the world, but it's nice to have all the help you can get as a parent.

It's The Little Things

My oldest son is going to Pre-K this fall. Today we got to go meet his teacher, see the classroom, and meet some of the other kids that will be in his class. Let me give you a run down of what I deal with every day. Mind you, this all occured in one hour.

We arrive at the school and he gets a sticker with his name on it, then he tells everyone standing around us that he got a sticker. Next, we must wait for his teacher to come and get the group and lead them back to his classroom. He literally can not stand still. He's touching the plants, talking to other people, and looking out the windows. I think I should have named him inertia. The teacher's aide comes out and leads us back to the room. As we walk in he sees the blocks, the tables, the chairs, the chalkboard, the whiteboard and all he says is, "Whoa." He then proceeds to touch everything. He sits at a table that has small shapes in a box and starts building towers with them and telling me the yellow octagon is a sun. Then he gets distracted by another table that has blocks off all different shapes that you can put a string through...and the string is also in the box. He pulled out every ball and pulled the string through them. When the teacher asked him what he was doing he told her he made a necklace for her. She actually wore it too. Then it was story time. All the kids sat on the floor while the teacher read. He was hesitant to sit with the kids, but he warmed up and sat down. About every 2 minutes he would look at me, smile, and give me a thumbs up. After story time, she walked them around the classroom and showed them the different stations. He cried when she said they couldn't play on the computer. It was then time to see the rest of the school. While standing in line, he sneezed and launched unpleasant material onto my pants. I'm very glad I didn't wear shorts this morning, and also I'm very glad I still had a few baby wipes in my purse. While we walk around the school, he wants to see into every room we pass, and won't stop asking what things are. That concluded the end of our time at the school. When I told him it was time to go home and tell the teacher goodbye, he started crying and told me he wanted to stay and play. It's difficult to tell a four-year-old to wait 3 months and then he'll get to play. He hugged the teacher for about three minutes before he would finally let go, and walk with me to the car. When I buckled him in, he told me school was awesome and that he loved me.

The point of going through all of that was just to say, sometimes life can be crazy. Sometimes my children embarrass me, aggravate me, and annoy. But there are these little moments, when they say or do something so minute no one else probably even noticed, but they warmed my heart. Live for the small moments in life that give you pleasure, and try to forget about the boogie on your pants.

Mother's Little Helpers

A little while ago I had a discussion with one of my dear friends. She is a stay-at-home mother of two, much like me. We were discussing how often during the day we want to scream, and how going back to work actually sounds appealing. So how do you keep from going absolutely crazy? You have to be just a wee bit selfish.

I am a woman of many vices. I don't recommend picking up new ones if you don't already have them. However, not the vice itself but the feeling you get from taking five minutes for yourself can do wonders for your mental health. One thing I can't live without is coffee. As soon as I get the kids breakfast in the morning, I go straight to the coffee pot. I probably drink three cups or so throughout the day. It might be false energy, but it keeps me going never the less. When I get my cup of coffee I don't chug it down then go back to doing what I have to do. I sit down with it, either watching TV with the kids or at the table playing around on Facebook. Even if it's only a few minutes, it's a nice little break.

I remember when I worked at a hospital, when I got home it took me awhile to relax before I could go to sleep. I know a lot of people to have to "wind down" before they go to sleep no matter what they're job is. So why should it be any different for moms? We work all day too, we need time to wind down and relax before it's our bedtime. If you are of legal age, you might try one beer or glass of wine. If you aren't old enough or you're not a drinker, try some hot chocolate or for that matter a small piece of chocolate. Give yourself a small reward for making it through the day without going crazy. Notice I say small reward. Don't go drinking a whole fifth of Jack or anything, but allow yourself to have a little moment when you think about yourself. Draw a bath, watch a movie, or read a good book. Anything for a little "you" time.

Moms may not get mental health days, but we can have our little moments.

You Might Be a Parent If...

Unless you live under a rock, you have probably heard of Jeff Foxworthy's line of jokes titled, "You Might Be a Redneck." Well, I've decided there's some things that could tip you off to being a parent as well. I'd like to keep this list growing, so if you have any ideas please add them.

1. If you've ever been peed, puked, and pooped on all at the same time, you might be a parent.
2. If you've ever substituted your fingers for a tissue, you might be a parent.
3. If you find yourself singing the Elmo's World theme song while you're alone, you might be a parent.
4. If you consider a  nice dinner anything but hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, you might be a parent.
5. You might be a parent if sleeping in means any uninterrupted sleep of more than five hours.
6. If you've ever looked forward to going to the dentist just to get out of the house, you might be a parent.
7. If you've ever wondered if that's chocolate or poo on your hand so you taste it, you might be a parent. (I'd like to go on record as saying that one is not one from personal experience.)
8. You might be a parent if spit up is just another accessory to your outfit.
9. If your form of a union break is popping in a Disney movie so you can walk away to do laundry, you might be a parent.
10. If walking through your living room is more like an obstacle course due to all the toys, you might be a parent.

That's the list so far, let's keep adding and see how many we can get! Consider it your homework. :)

We Always Knew He Was Special

So for a little while now, my son had what I thought were bug bites all over him. Where we live, to say bug bites aren't uncommon is an understatement. Not getting bit by a mosquito around here is an act of God. The mosquito really should be our state bird. See why I thought he had bug bites? Well sometimes as a mother, you're going to overlook the obvious.

I gave these "bites" a reasonable amount of time to heal up and go away. The problem was, they didn't. What was once just on his face and scalp, now had traveled down his neck and onto his arms and legs. Sigh...time to call the doctor. I usually avoid the doctor at all cost. My kids have to be pretty sick for me to take them to the doctor. I like to give them every chance to heal on their own before I go pumping them full of medication. But some things are warning signs I can't ignore. When five different people ask you if your kid has chicken pox, it's time to talk to the doctor.

The reason I had never given chicken pox a second thought is like most children these days he was vaccinated for the chicken pox virus when he was just over a year old. I knew it was a possibility, but it was such a slight chance...that should have been my first clue. Well, off to the doctor we go. Mind you this kid knows exactly where we were as soon as we pulled in. I know this because he started to scream before I had even parked and screamed until the nurse left the room. This is another reason we avoid the doctor. The doc comes in and looks at him, asks me a few questions, and says, "Well thanks. Now I have to report your kid. He has chickenpox." Super.

After laughing with the doctor about it, and leaving out the back door because they asked me to, I spent a few hours on the phone with people he's been in contact with to let them know "Hey congratulations, you've been exposed to chicken pox. Hope you've had it before." It was a very long, very tiring day.

Leave it to my kid. The doctor informed me the percent of children who still get chicken pox after receiving the vaccine is about 10%. So there you go. He may be one in a million to me, but statistically he's one in 10.

Finding The Happy Medium

I joke a lot that my son has two speeds: full throttle and off. If he isn't running around acting ridiculous, he's probably asleep. Most days it's difficult to just sit and watch a movie with my kids because I can't get them to sit still long enough.

I love to go outside with the kids on nice days. We'll play for as long as I can take it before we come in and get bathed and most of the time fall asleep. Sometimes even I take a nap after that. The problem is, when I spend all that time playing around outside, I don't get anything done inside. Other days, I spend all day doing things that need to be done, and I don't get a chance to play with the kids or do something I want to do.

So where is the happy medium? How do I find a place where a four-year-olds energy can be used little at a time? How do I get to a place where things are still kept up around the house, but I don't miss time with my children? Is there such a thing as this elusive happy medium, or is everyday just another struggle to get as close as we can to it as though we were chasing a rainbow?

I suppose, all we can do is our best. Each day we have to try to make our own happy medium. Where the important tasks are accomplished, but we're not missing quality time with the kids. We can allow ourselves to get caught up in it, one way or another, or we can choose to say, "We'll go play for an hour, then I'll do what I have to do." Sometimes, things aren't going to get done, or we aren't going to get as much time with the kids as we wanted. But all we can do is our best to make sure it doesn't go too far one way or another.

"The choicest pleasures of life lie within the ring of moderation." ~ Benjamin Disraeli